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SamIsScared
05-06-2008, 02:31 AM
Hello all

I'm Samantha, I have talked to some of you in the chat (I go under Sam in there) so some of you might know me a little. I have a lot of trouble explaining all of this so if I'm all over the place, please forgive me. But it goes something like this...

When I was little (around the time I started Kindergarten) I used to get really bad nausea. After a while my parents had me checked out. I was physically in great shape. As I got older it only got worse. Through school I would wake up feeling sick every morning. and the first place I would go when I got to school was the nurses office. I was there everyday. NO ONE knew what was wrong with me.

As I got even older, the anxiety completely manifested. I would shake, sweat, get headaches so bad that it would cause me to have fevers. So naturally I became very depressed. I have always had trouble understanding certain things, and have never been too academically smart so I don't really have much confidence in my abilities and I feel that my capabilities have limits. Nowadays I feel like I can barely do anything. Which is why my Agoraphobia developed. I have an immense fear of driving to certain places. I'm okay going some places but it's like I have to have it mapped out in my head or I can't go. Sometimes I can go to places I don't know if I have someone with me but that's it. There are other things I'm afraid to do like go grocery shopping by myself...I'm even afraid to go to the gas station sometimes because I'm afraid I'll do something wrong and embarrass myself or something.

So about a year and a half ago I decided to see a therapist. I was diagnosed with General anxiety disorder, Agoraphobia with panic disorder, and depression. She did some Congnitive Behavioral therapy with me but it didn't do much. She also referred me to see a psychiatrist for meds. I went on Lexapro and Prozac for a while but soon stopped. I also stopped going to therapy because I just came to the conclusion that I will always be this way. Because it was the fact that I don't understand direction that makes me scared of driving...not the driving task itself. I'm afraid of getting lost and not being able to find my way back. So I think my driving fear is a lot more different than most therefore there's really no fixing it. In a way, I feel it's a very rational fear. How do I stop being afraid of something that's definitely is worth being afraid of?

So now I'm living with my boyfriend who pretty much knows everything about my problems. He's also delt with his share of mental illness in the past so he is very understanding. He's also what you would call my "Support person" He does things either with me or for me since I avoid almost everything. I currently work as a Shift Manager at a Fast food restaraunt and I hate it with a passion. I've been there 6 years now so I know it like the back of my hand. I would love to do something else but I'm too freaking scared. I want to go to school and become a massage therapist, but I'm too freaking scared to do that too. I am SO SICK of living like this. I HATE being afraid of every fucking thing. The world is a beautiful place but instead of being out and exploring and enjoying it, I'm afraid of it and I HATE IT! I really hate life sometimes...

Anyway, that's my long boring story. Sorry I got a little emotional towards the end. Thanks for reading. You guys rock :)

Sam

thelostone8206
05-06-2008, 05:51 AM
i completely understand the getting lost thing. that is part of my fear of driving too. that and if i am hiding on the floorboard so noone can see me it is really hard to see the road ;) when i was still able to drive though, i always kept a map of the area i was in so that if i did get lost i could pull off adn calm down and figure out on the map how to get somewhere familiar. i have literally gotten lost in parking lots. it is good you have someone to help and support you.

don't give up on being able to get better though. there are many meds that can help, and if the therapist you were seeing wasn't helping try someone new. i haven't been to therapy myself yet but i do know that every therapist is different and that you have to find one that "fits" your needs. lots of people have been helped greatly by therapy. as far as meds, i think that with anxiety problems there are good ones that can help you cope on a temporary basis, but in the long term they are a crutch that will help you to get out and find long lasting relief from other ways.

((((((sam)))))


lost

jenanne
05-07-2008, 07:11 AM
Sam thanks for sharing your story nice to meet you

Jenx

dino
05-07-2008, 08:51 AM
Hiya Sam

Although i do not have the driving phobia i can totally understand the part where you say

quote :I HATE being afraid of every fucking thing. The world is a beautiful place but instead of being out and exploring and enjoying it, I'm afraid of it and I HATE IT! I really hate life

Hopefully we can be of support to you both hereon the forum and in chat for me knowing i am not alone is a help in itself just knowing that other people are indeed going through similar experiances :)

love dino
xxxxxhttp://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p251/dino_042/WelcomeTigger.gif