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dino
04-23-2008, 03:10 PM
Ok only me the scottish loonie back again but i am here again thinking i am on my final days hours ffs :(

As a lot of you know i went to a appointment last friday to see a phycologist for me not only the appoint was a huge ordeal but the anticipation leading up to it then the 5 min drive :mellow:

Well here is my question is it normal for me since then to be having not only severe and i mean severe panic,depersanalisation,palpitations not to mention the severe exhaustion i have also had a lot of stess atm due to family but wont bore you with that aswel :)

Long story short after fridays apoint for a few hours i wasent as panicky as i am now had barely any sleep from then until monday so decided stay in bed yesterday to try catch up but even in bed all i seemed to do was lie there crying feeling usless,shaking panic after panic tried watching tv reading anything to try take my mind of the way i was feeling all to no avail as the depersanalisation seemed to panic me even more i mean after all this years i should be used to this but i'm not

Got out bed with great difficulty again about lunchtime determined to try and relax a bit firstly i tried to change the quilt covers then do some housework even that i kept having to sit down cos this palps were scaring the shit out me along with the omg im going to pass out
Not to be beaten and trying so so hard to believe this new pychologists words that it is only feeling i am having and that it's no life threatining dopey dino tries to go out a tiny walk with hubby ,the tiny walk now please dont laugh went like this

Dino here aint been the 8/9 steps across the road in over a year and a half decided ok if you die you die ffs i feel like this even indoors so with puppy on his lead to try and distract me i tell hubby please take the car ,yes you are seeing right THE CAR ffs for 8/9but there was method in my madness it was like a safety if anyone came up the road i could escape faster i mean ffs i swear i can just about touch the other side o the bloody road just by outstreching my arms and its not even a busy road how pathetics that ffs :rolleyes:

Ok james is beside me like a kerb crawler im trying with my all to focus on the puppy when next once i made it across the road he was going to park the car now keep in mind i can practically even though cars parked touch it bar the few steps back across tht road when whoosh im stood there near holding onto a wall frozen once again with complete terror here is where im meant to tell myself its ok and refocus my thoughts etc but alas i failed again now you might read this and say but i did it but i want to do it without the panic and then having to go back to bed with palps exaustion etc ,i tried to stay away from bed tried to listen music,do shopping list but after another 2 hours of intense feelings o terror beyond terror again i had no choice than to sleep an hour again even now im dreading tomorrow as i just feel my lifes over :(

Sorry all i do is moan just want to know if anyone else here has all the above feelings etc
love dino
xxxxxhttp://dl2.glitter-graphics.net/pub/384/384612qae417fmb7.gif ('http://www.glitter-graphics.com')

sunny
04-23-2008, 10:03 PM
Oh Dino. I'm so sorry you're having a shit time of it. What can I say? I've been trying to deal with this for such a short time compared to some of you here. I wish I could take your hand and take for a bloody walk myself. What a sight. The two of us walking down the street, shaking, hyperventilating, heart palps, clutching our chests. LOL

The only thing I can say is STICK WITH IT!! EVERYDAY!! It's the only thing that works for me. I couldn't drive. I made myself drive around the block fifteen minutes EVERY day, EVERY night. Then two blocks. I walked four houses away to the top of the street EVERYDAY. At the moment I'm a supermarket stalker. I walk the local shopping centre from one side to the other EVERY day. I don't panic at that anymore. Next step is groceries, but first I have to walk the grocery aisles, EVERY one, without buying anything, EVERYDAY, until I'm over the panic at just being there. I have visions of being dragged away by security and my husband telling them over the phone 'She's not dangerous. She has panic attacks. She's got a system. You can let her back into society.' Accomplishments don't come in sizes. Walking to the other side of the street and back is a step forward.

The last time things were bad for me - depersonalization, heart palps, exhaustion but can't sleep, I made myself drive to the local park. The car is now my safe place (as it bloody should be after making myself spend so much time in it) and the park is one street away. I walked round and round and round and round and round. It was the only way to get rid of that stupid adrenalin that wouldn't stop. I don't take the dog with me when I walk because I only want to be responsible for myself. Finally I was soooo tired I could sleep.

I'm so sorry Dino. I know you've been having a real hard time of it lately. I've been watching your other post. I'm thinking of you, wishing you the best and sending good vibes your way.

Sunny

dino
04-24-2008, 06:19 AM
Dear Sunny

Thank you so so much for your reply knowing i'm not alone with the depersonalization, heart palps, exhaustion but can't sleep is a huge relief cos i swear i'm here losing the plot :( thank you also for making me smile at quote :I have visions of being dragged away by security and my husband telling them over the phone 'She's not dangerous. She has panic attacks. She's got a system. You can let her back into society. :lol: Sorry maybe shouldent laugh but if we dont i swear we would crack up completly :)

Once again a night of this bloody palps panic and to top it of the my older collie whos going a bit senile in his old age decided at 6.20am it was time to waken up not only the puppy but the whole household thing was i couldent get angry at them as one look at there innocent wee faces i melt , i decided ok no ones going to be about and off i went approx 3 steps in my dressing gown to take them both out for a pee then thinking they might go back to sleep for another hour i was mistaken as by now lee our handicapped son was lying in my bed with blood all over his bib yes another nose bleed but he loves it thinks he is a bloody werewolf omg the joys if it aint the animals driving me insaner its the kids :lol: :lol:

I have to admit once hubby came back from walking the dogs i fell asleep for another hour and forced myself out o bed again at approx 10am .i have done a tiny bit housework prob be back in bed by 2 but today is a no no for me trying to go oot as i know this sounds like a huge cop out but when lee is at home for me the panics more for what if i pass out and poor hubby has us both to deal with :rolleyes:

Hope you don't mind me asking sunny but did you find the palps were caused more with the adrenaline and were yours pretty constant like mines ,i did try get rid some of this earlier by doing a wee dance to westlife in the kitchen only to be so knackered after 2 secs i had to sit down for fear of dying ,omg theres no hope for me ffs :lol:

Thank you again sunny for understanding http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p251/dino_042/ThankYou.jpg :)
love dino
xxxxxx

Foxyphil
04-26-2008, 02:31 PM
I think you have done brilliantly Dino hon. The safety steps you took were not only reasonable -but very sensible. Also -as far as "moaning" goes -I dont think you are being very fair to yourself there -because you genuinely do have really difficult stuff to deal and it can be majorly therapeutic to express your feelings (whilst also being amazingly helpful and courteous to ppl in here all the time -in some rare cases with ppl being rude to you and others as a "thankyou" -am just referring to the odd person in chat)

As you know Dino -I have different opinions about therapy than others -and no disprespect to them or their views -but in my opinion you are under no obligation to go out every single day -and many therapists would not expect you to do that. Also -therapists should be there for us -not us for them. It is OUR choice and not for the benefit of others or for society for that matter.

You are not a "failure" just because you have a difficult condition -and also the online work that you do that helps and inspires others so much is there for all to see.

All best wishes

Phil xxx

dino
04-28-2008, 08:18 AM
Dear Phil

Sorry for my late reply but i'd like to say a huge thank you for replying in such a caring and heartfelt way it is much appriciated :)

I also hope ye don't mind but i couldent help myself i showed my therapist the post to in a way prove to him that i am trying and guess what he agreed with everything both yourself and sunny said ,maybe at last we are getting through to him just how hard living with agro etc is :lol:

Not seeing him again until 19th may as he is on holiday again i did say to him he has more holidays than the queen ffs ,new idea after he comes back is to work on changing all my negativity and more expousure therapy but beforehand i have been told i must go back to the pyhcologist in between where upon his assistant is going to take me there and back i did however state quite Categorically that she could shove her ticking clocks where the sun don't shine :lol: :lol:

Oh well start as you mean to go on is dino's new motto :)

Thank you once again phil for always being such a great bloke :) http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p251/dino_042/000_thanyyou.gif

love dino
xxxxxx

ps: go look at the you tube section in general my post i did earlier today hope you like it :lol: :lol:

sheribee
05-01-2008, 07:19 AM
Dino my darling!!! Bless ya, u sound like you have been having a real tough time!!
Please do try to remind yourself that you are an amazing person and that you help many many people with your advice and guidance, with your personal expiriences you are an inspiration to those who feel like giving up! xx I have missed you!!
But sorry to say im back lol. xx
100 times worse, with a doc who is as good as yesterdays socks!!!
Agorophobia, panic attacks, constant anxiety, self harming now to add to my list, omg i feel totally mad, but hey, im getting refered to our mental health team, woohoo!! But how th f**k am i supposed to get there if i cant go out????
I think my doc got his degree at micky mouse school! xx
I think will post a bit later explaining how im feeling and see if anyone else has the same symptoms.. im sure they will.
Its the self hatred and the pessimism i find the hardest to block from my mind!!
My love to you dino, hope we will get to talk again soon xx take care!!! xx
Its Fudge by the way dino babe xxx

dino
05-01-2008, 09:11 AM
Hiyahttp://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p251/dino_042/FUDGE.jpghttp://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p251/dino_042/welkomback1.gif

Great to see ye back although i wish it was in better c***umstances :mellow: i know ecactly what you mean by the self hatred etc i am the same added with day in day out being to bloody knackered to barely get oot bed and due to the constant anxiety.panic etc :unsure: hang in there my friend ok :)

Bloody gp's are all the same ffs think we can make miracle cures just to get to there so called appoints ,i swear that apoint i went to 2 weeks ago near killed me of still aint recovered yet :mellow:

Ok enough o my moaning want to say fudge you to are a fantastic girl with a heart of gold and please know you can talk to me anytime we can be insane together :lol:

Hope to catch up with you soon hun :) http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p251/dino_042/Hugsonalog_Creddys.gif
love dino
xxxxxx