From Bad to Worse

[Me_Dee]

I can't believe that things could have gotten worse then they already were but they did. Today I am actually okay. At least for the moment and I thought I'd share what I've just been through. It started with the fear of death from oral cancer to melanoma, to being pregnant, to colon cancer and then to ovarian cancer. Along with that memories of everything wrong I have done in my life and the fear of going to hell. I have been in a black abyss for weeks. Today I am just trying not to think period. My friend is taking me out for my b-day which is this week. I think becoming a year older has also contributed to my fears. I still can't believe how long the list has become. The only thing that has helped is prayer and good friends that have encouraged me and reminded me that no one is perfect and that I need to forget about the past and try to focus on today and not what terrible things can happen in the future. Imagine being pulled back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and that is what I've been through. Fear of the future and remorse for the past. I am just so emotionally and mentally drained that I can't even think. I've also been losing weight and my pants are hanging off of me. I know I've got to get better before I wither away. I think I will be able to eat today because I am feeling better so that will sure help. The rest of my weekend is pretty busy so that is a good thing, not enough time to think too much and on Monday night to be prayed over for healing of the past and healing of my fears. I'm hoping that will help. Sorry such a long post. Just wanted to share what I was going through. I also hope that I can help anyone else going through this stuff when I am back to myself again. I continue to keep all of you in my prayers.

[pokerstar]

I can't believe that things could have gotten worse then they already were but they did. Today I am actually okay.* At least for the moment and I thought I'd share what I've just been through.* It started with the fear of death from oral cancer to melanoma, to being pregnant, to colon cancer and then to ovarian cancer.* Along with that memories of everything wrong I have done in my life and the fear of going to hell.* I* have been in a black abyss for weeks.* Today I am just trying not to think period.* My friend is taking me out for my b-day which is this week.* I think becoming a year older has also contributed to my fears.* I still can't believe how long the list has become.* The only thing that has helped is prayer and good friends that have encouraged me and reminded me that no one is perfect and that I need to forget about the past and try to focus on today and not what terrible things can happen in the future.* Imagine being pulled back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and that is what I've been through.* Fear of the future and remorse for the past.* I am just so emotionally and mentally drained that I can't even think.* I've also been losing weight and my pants are hanging off of me.* I know I've got to get better before I wither away.* I think I will be able to eat today because I am feeling better so that will sure help.* The rest of my weekend is pretty busy so that is a good thing, not enough time to think too much and on Monday night to be prayed over for healing of the past and healing of my fears.* I'm hoping that will help.* Sorry such a long post.* Just wanted to share what I was going through.* I also hope that I can help anyone else going through this stuff when I am back to myself again.* I continue to keep all of you in my prayers.




hiya medee,
nice to meet you and read your story, i can relate, i have ocd and have many similiar fears, especially about dying. You sound like all this stuff is giving you a really hard time, but rememeber, everyone sometimes has to give themselves a bit of tender loving care and a break.

When my mind is really full, sometimes i go swimming and sit in the bubble pool for half hour and relax, or treat myself to something nice to eat and do, like the cinema.

Have you mentioned to your doc about this as maybe he can put you on the right track?.

Sometimes for myself when im run down or getting unwell, i have to pull the train breaks and go back to basics, and take care of them first. Like eat well, sleep well, a little exercise, keeping fresh, and start a routine, if i have a problem in doing any of those, i do the basics bit by bit, so i can get the basics in order first and once i have some energy back to move on the next thing and slowly tackle that.


well hope things improve soon, all the best rob :)

[Me_Dee]

Thanks so much for the reply Rob. I totally agree with going back to basics and taking a step at a time. Yesterday was another rough day but what got me through was helping with a church group I am involved in that helps the poor in our community and a good friend that encourages me to pray and trust God and not to try to control everything in my life. I'm just so tired. I do feel better this morning and am going to try to put the lights and decorations on my tree. It looks so sad with no decorations and my daughter wants to see it all lit up and help decorate it when she gets home. My job also helps by getting my mind focused on other things. I also have to finish getting some things for some special people in my life. I am trying to focus on those things and nothing else. I also find that eating a good breakfast and making sure I drink some water or juice helps. I do see my psychologist this Wednesday and will discuss what is best for me at this point. Hoping I can remain calm all day today. Thanks again for the reply.