lexy
08-26-2007, 05:17 PM
I was wondering........
In my next relationship...if i ever have one ...highly unlikely, but i remain open minded. I dont know why because i dont go out to meet anyone! Will it be with someone else who has social anxiety or what ??
Would we drag each other down or is there strength in numbers?
If i did meet someone it would probably be on one of my good days when i feel strong enough to mask my fears and get on with lifes neccessities. Though i always have so much to do on a good day i dont get time to breath and can hardly leave the house for a week afterwards from the sheer effort of it all, but i feel great that ive got stuff done.
So, he would'nt know i had anxiety.... he'd probably think i was brimming with confidence as i put on a pretty good act, which makes me feel false and angry at myself that i cant be like that all the time....the effort would kill me! and id have to try and explain what the hell was happening when i stared rigidly at the ringing phone like it was a hand grenade, hid when the door went, refused to go out to the shops or god forbid attend social functions. Would it be fair to inflict myself on a non sufferer...i dont think so.
I feel i need to be with 'my own kind'
Which brings me to the question, who would open the door for the takeaway, would we post the money through the letter box and demand he leave it on the doorstep, peering through the keyhole until it was safe to open the door. Fight about who was going to answer the door or tackle the situation together? (last time i had a curry delivered i pretended i wasnt dressed and stuck my arm out, hiding behind the door) ffs lol, failing that i turn off the lights and say the bulbs gone so he cant see me.
Sorry to rabbit on, i dont want to be on my own for ever but i want to be able to be me..and i never really know who that is from one day to the next.
Im still fighting this thing with every bit of strength i have left. I suppose this is a bit tongue in cheek, i can laugh at myself and my situation but seriously........it aint fucking well funny is it folks.
In my next relationship...if i ever have one ...highly unlikely, but i remain open minded. I dont know why because i dont go out to meet anyone! Will it be with someone else who has social anxiety or what ??
Would we drag each other down or is there strength in numbers?
If i did meet someone it would probably be on one of my good days when i feel strong enough to mask my fears and get on with lifes neccessities. Though i always have so much to do on a good day i dont get time to breath and can hardly leave the house for a week afterwards from the sheer effort of it all, but i feel great that ive got stuff done.
So, he would'nt know i had anxiety.... he'd probably think i was brimming with confidence as i put on a pretty good act, which makes me feel false and angry at myself that i cant be like that all the time....the effort would kill me! and id have to try and explain what the hell was happening when i stared rigidly at the ringing phone like it was a hand grenade, hid when the door went, refused to go out to the shops or god forbid attend social functions. Would it be fair to inflict myself on a non sufferer...i dont think so.
I feel i need to be with 'my own kind'
Which brings me to the question, who would open the door for the takeaway, would we post the money through the letter box and demand he leave it on the doorstep, peering through the keyhole until it was safe to open the door. Fight about who was going to answer the door or tackle the situation together? (last time i had a curry delivered i pretended i wasnt dressed and stuck my arm out, hiding behind the door) ffs lol, failing that i turn off the lights and say the bulbs gone so he cant see me.
Sorry to rabbit on, i dont want to be on my own for ever but i want to be able to be me..and i never really know who that is from one day to the next.
Im still fighting this thing with every bit of strength i have left. I suppose this is a bit tongue in cheek, i can laugh at myself and my situation but seriously........it aint fucking well funny is it folks.