08-08-2007, 03:47 PM
My husband Paul has become my only link to the outside world. He brings me water when I'm thirsty, sits with me for hours rubbing my hair during a flashback, he has had to become mother and father to our children, he has had to learn to be my primary care taker and believe me that is no fun job. Without him I would perhaps be in a group home somewhere. I depend and rely on him for every little thing. The most miniscul thing that you do not think twice about I am to weak to get on my own. I think of this all the time and wonder how many of the signifacate other suffer in silence, probably the most horrifying side of this illness. To have to sit back watching the one you love suffer and there isn't a damn thing they can do about it. It must be horrible for him. I will tell you this, I wonder all the time if the roles were reversed what I would do. I want to believe that I would stay and take care of him. I want to believe that I would step up like he has and take care of my other half with the patience and Love that he has shown me. I honestly don't think I could do it. I wonder and ponder all the time would I be as couragous as him. I know I could never be. He never and I mean never complains. This may be a bit to much information by my marine loves sex I mean its on him mind every min of every day for some reason he never grew out of it. He never cheats ever I know this for a fact. And I can't after all that has happened give him what he needs. He must feel so lonely. I don't know why he dosn't just pack his bags and leave. He deserves much better then me. But he won't. He hasn't and he tells me all the time he dosn't even want to. He says He is happy just being there for me. Its enough. Only time will tell what will happen to us but I belive we are as madly in love as the day we were married. I am so lucky to have. I just wanted to post this if someone elts has a similar family member who needlessly and tirlessly takes care of there mental ill loved one.